Can I really do it?

Ok so this is a challenge to my self and to others. I feel like we as women are the most loving and compassionate people on earth and we can find the good in any ... and I mean ANY situation. Especially if its against our morals and ethics. We will do anything to stay in love or to have love. Be it mother, daughter, sister, friend, grandmother, lover, and even enemy. Yes even enemies and evil doer's are lovers too. I as women we love to love and to be loved. we all do it in different ways. Some ways are unconventional, others are old school. But bottom line we need to have that feeling or we are just incomplete.

Now I can admit, out of all my friends i am the the one who is in love with love. I have gone out of my way to get it, keep it, have it, and need it... I NEED LOVE!.. Where is LL CoolJ when you need him. But i digress. I have taken a love affair to far for to long... yes an AFFAIR. Ok yes, i know its wrong, but it felt so right. Especially when you think it was going some where. Now the first thing you would think, well i wouldn't do that, because i wouldn't want it happening to me. But at the same time how would you know that you are in one. That's what happened. I didn't know I was in one. I thought things were slowly breaking away from the other "situation" that slim was in but little did I know. It was kinda not.

See I loved this guys sooooo much that i didn't care what his "situation" was, so I kept on. I know that's wrong but its where i wanted to be .. i wasn't gonna mess that up. Even if i was playing number 2, even though I at one point was running the number one spot. But back to what i was saying about us women, we find all the good in the most dumb, bad, and unethical situations.

Now! I have come the realization that only I can change this situation. I know its not right. So now i have to make it right with for my self. I cant deal with this anymore, even though i still love him like I do. As much as I do! there has got to be a way to make this work for me.

So my challenge to you and my self is to make it work for you. I'm going to have to end it. ( Just typing that made my heart drop)

Really I'm not getting anything from it. maybe a couple of Phone calls. But that's it. I think of it as he has to to choose. Even though I have already chosen in my heart what I want. O well we will see what happens.